My birthday was filled with crazy events... firstly, I just missed the train into the city. I watched it pull away- an image of defeat and disappointment.
Actually riding on the Metro North is always peaceful as the tracks skirt along the side of the Hudson River. The river's top layer of ice had sheered across itself pushing up jumbled angles of of thin, mirror like ice that collected into small groupings reminiscent of Islands- Return to the Sea.
To see Jake, Jes and Emily shuffling about with their cameras, being some of the biggest tourists but appearing to fit right in the NYC scene, made my heart explode- some of my favorite people in one of my favorite places. How spoiled am I! We walked with purpose during the day through Central Park hoping that our meanderings would take us to the Dakota, but I guess Trump has some kind of human magnet so we came out near Columbus Circle.
Admittedly, I was really cranky when we started perusing China Town. I had been a champ walking all over creation with my purse and sleep-over bag, but after I found a personal birthday gift, I had had it with the same tourist shop with slightly different things or at least a slightly different assortment. By the time we made it back to Emma's in Brooklyn, I was hungry and worn the fuck out. Emma made some killer stir fry and I met up with Sarah, my favorite cousin! Hooray for cousins!
We hung out at Emma's apartment watching Microcosmos and smoking our new presents before we mobilized to Williamsburg to ring in my 21st birthday. We went to the Brooklyn Ale House where I had a very strange, overly orange margarita and a, get ready, beer. They had a "winter white" on draft that I actually liked, so Jake bought be a glass in celebration. Personal note- my friends are crazy when they are drunk...hahahah... their faces are the silliest.
Getting home from the bar was an interesting excusion since we hopped on the wrong L that was just bouncing between bedford and some manhattan stop, but I did run into a dude named David from Yale who recognized Poughkeepsie for Vassar and noticed that I spoke spanish to a sleeping dude and inferred that I had been abroad in Latin America. Weird. When we switched to the right train, some dude was trying to get us to come to his place where we'd eat White Castle on his dime. Good thing a random Weirton-ite showed up to sing the Steelers Super Bowl song... I don't know how we could have been more obnoxious and ridiculous.
Guy called me on my birthday and made me cry all over Grand Central Station. Sometimes, it really, physically hurts to think about him... to not have him here. This pain reminds me of how deeply I care for him but also makes me worried... how long will I be so sorrowful? How long will I allow myself to be as such? Or, will something else stop the hurt?
Harrison saw my blog. He wanted to read it. I don't know. I would have to, at least, be in my room while he was in his room if he did read it. there is a lot of shit in here. A lot of shit that isn't very flattering of him.
Side note- WHY ARE WE HANGING OUT SO MUCH TOGETHER?! I think Harrison was put on this planet to make a blender of my hard head. I have known him for 1 year and six days. A year ago today we watched Royal Tennenbaums together. Oh no! my head is a blender set on liquify!!! my brain!!!! (i am a fucking retard)
Classes... yeah they are whatever... good. interesting... I'm not living up to my Maggie 4.0 initiative. I'm just a lazy fuck. Except when it comes to cleaning the house, then I am like the all star relay team leader.
Last night, I did realize that I need to design more often. My mind just works naturally that way... I don't need to struggle to string words together that sound lofty or academic. I can speak art and design. Why am I trying to speak otherwise?
btw, Beirut is tonight. fuckahs.