I had a weird conversation with Emily Saturday. I was being kind of douchy about her staying in Indiana to study and chill out instead of coming out as planned for Missy's birthday celebration. She made me realize that I have been pretty abrasive lately when I confront people with my opinions/advice. Granted, our convo was over IM and important things like tone are completely lost. However, I have felt antagonistic lately. A little harsh... Part of me really enjoys it since I usually tip-toe around people's feelings and give them a little more of what they want and less of what I actually feel. I always have played devil's advocate though but that's not exactly what is the deal here. I'm feeling a little quick tempered and inclined towards a more hostile tone than usual. I don't know why or how I suddenly changed. I need to find a happy medium and my zen again.
This summer is such a time of flux for me that I don't want to come out of it as a bitch.
I need to figure out what is going on with Guy. I know that when I see him, I'm going to feel, say and act a lot differently than how I am now. I love him dearly and I wish we could be together, but I'm 21. I have a life to explore and craft. I don't want either of us to struggle through a relationship when we could find something more fulfilling close to home. Nor ultimately make a decision to move to another country for the sake of a relationship with someone we only see on short visits and talk to online from time to time.
que sera sera, whatever will be will be. the future's not ours to see.
This is the weird part. Harrison. I still am all weird about it. He's been text messaging me (an odd thing for someone who didn't like having a cellphone) about how he misses me and all this stuff.
I just need to stop assuming/expecting/projecting.
Today, I think I'll work on either my font or one of my book designs. Either way, I need to start getting shit done and work out a formal schedule so I'll make myself workout and compile my portfolio.