Sunday, April 27, 2008


If one looked at my room and looked at me, they would agree- we are wreck. My curtain got ripped partially down the other night, my floors are crumby, dusty and shit is splayed all over them. I need to move some shit around, I've decided.

I haven't finished a paper that was due on thursday. I just can't seem to get my motivation back into gear. The weather is so nice. There are adventures to be had. My mind and soul are completely drained from the semester. Too much emotional distress to be asked to handle three months of obligatory learning. I have a problem with obligations. If I feel like I'm obligated to do something, I don't want to do it and don't care about not doing it. I'm sure someone will say it's because I'm an anti-authoritarian anarchist hippy.

My other problem is that I just want to get back to my friends at home. The group I've found at Vassar this semester is probably the most cohesive to my personality, but I still feel like there is something missing. The SMFers know me so well, we all understand each other. These are the people that I've crafted the majority of my identity along side. How can I not want to surround myself with them? How can I not feel out of place when I've already found a niche? I'm just really excited to be able to spend the whole summer at home. I haven't been able to settle into a routine there since high school. I'll be babysitting and chilling all summer long. thank god. I've even dedicated myself to reading theory.

I'm glad that I don't have to come back to Vassar next semester. It's a needed break. I think by spring I'll either be totally ready to get back or totally disenchanted with college. At least I have those amazing classes to look forward- a poli sci on 1968, indigenous and oppositional media, native american women, and hopefully a kick ass seminar.

Yesterday, in my continued procrastination, I went to Storm King with a bunch of the kids. If it hadn't been so windy, it would have been super amazing but it was only the sculptures that were amazing. I really love Alexander Calder. It seems like everything he touches turns to gold. I think my favorite part of the whole trip yesterday was eating thai for dinner. I love thai food and haven't had it in so long that it hurt my soul.

Pam told me that deja vu is actually a minor seizure. Also, my deja vu is actually called something else because I "feel" the scene familiar and can actually remember my deja vus. Crazy ass shit. Crazy ass shit.

The past two nights, I don't know how, but I've gotten drunk. I think we all need to get drunk more often because everyone has been lovey dovey, dancey, and super chilled out. I had to actually go lie down last night in the middle of hanging out because I was fucked up. But in a good way.

Harrison is asleep in my bed. He was following me around this morning. I miss the way we were but I'm alright being the way we are- just friends.

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