Monday, April 7, 2008

I'll Get To You Somehow

My mom didn't get the Oprah contest. Man, I was so bummed. Nothing seemed to be going my way. What a terrible curse the McPeakes have. Luck is right under our nose but ever elusive. She deserved it. She deserves something amazing to happen for her.

I'm so jealous. I'm in that weird stage of getting over Harrison where I'm definitely not over him emotionally but mentally, I am. I just want his attention back. It was the day of my last post when he kissed my forehead, but today he kissed my head and fingers. He's been so pensive lately. I pretend that he's deciding to be with me. Like he would have some sudden change of heart. But his actions maintain his normal sentiment regarding women. Or maybe he's settling in with Rowan? Who knows. He confuses me. All men do. I just don't want to allow him to string me along, but I know that I have to make the shift away. Everyone seems to be finding excitement, and I'm stuck in the doldrums just barely gaining optimism.

I did a photo shoot on Saturday. I was topless for most of it because the shoot was models covered in different accessories so they wanted pretty much no visible clothing. It was the first time that I had ever modeled and I was quite nervous. People said that my pictures were good and I don't know how I feel about it. It's like, wow, I should eat this up. I never had a great body image growing up so it's hard for me to believe that I'm pretty or whatever especially with all these skinny chicks bouncing about. I'm interested to see what the pictures look like.

I talked to my advisor about what's been going on this semester with my dad and everything, and she was very sympathetic. She told me that I could take as much time as I needed to get my work done because of my distraction. That whole day was like therapy. I talked with everyone.

I can't stop listening to the Beatles.

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