Saturday, March 1, 2008

Like the Dead Leaves Do

My stepsisters are picking me up today to take me to see my dad. I love them so much, I'm truly excited to see them. I hadn't really told anyone about my dad until this weekend was planned and I had to give the reason why I was skipping out on the last weekend before break. I don't like to complain or incite pity. I don't know what to expect when I see my dad. I hope that i don't get too emotional. Key word- too.

Thursday night was an adventure. Harrison, Noah and I took Geneva's car up to Harrison's house to pick up. Well, Geneva's car was sort of on it's last leg and after the water temp rose, the check engine light went on, we cooled the car down, the check engine light went off, then the temp went really low, and as we were on the off ramp- the battery light went off, the check engine light went off and we lost power steering. The car was dead. Kaput and smoking. Harrison's dad picked us up in his swanky car and they towed it to a local parking lot where the mechanic could get it in the morning. It was freeeeezing outside btw.

It was great to see Harrison's houses (his dad's and mom's). I love to know/see where people grow up. I think it has to do with the fact that our world views are so heavily generated by our landscape. My sentiments are the same about parents and siblings. I guess I like to understand where people come from--what shades their understanding and motivates their actions. The two things that leave large puzzle pieces unsolved in Harrison are his mother and his ex, Carolyn. Carolyn has sort of been a shadowy figure in my relationship with Harrison. She's always staring from some distant corner of Harrison's mind. They haven't spoken since they broke off their 5 year relationship. Her picture is everywhere in his different old rooms and scattered across family photos. It's weird to know that I am being compared to her. And only her. She's cute. Looks like the popular girl from Brick, but otherwise I know nothing of what happened between her and Harrison. One of Harrison's friends called and left a message where amoungst other things she said that he should call Carolyn. Ever since he's been a little off. I just don't want to lose to nostalgia.

Harrison's dad gave me a kiss on the cheek goodbye. hahaha. What a business man. Dave, his mom's boyfriend, was awesome.

NCOR is falling apart. Everything seems to be falling apart this year for the SAU. GODDAMMIT. I can't handle a position of responsibility. I hate being a treasurer. I hate being ineffectual. I hate letting people down.

I have a really painful ear infection. really painful. I'm doing everything I can medically to alleviate the pain and the problem but it persists at the moment sending shooting pains throughout my body. My left ear is the only poor working soul left of the pair which means I have no ability to sense WHERE sounds are coming from let alone hearing anything that's not extremely loud on my right side.

Due to a combination of stessors and pains both physical and emotional, I've really been in need of some TLC. Nothing beats your mother when you are miserable.

Dominique is in the hospital for brain surgery. I haven't spoken to her in ages. Haven't seen her in the same. There is so much emotion wrapped up in her for me that I don't know how to feel. But I feel sad and worried and terrible.

picture- Jorge Negrete. family represent.

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