Saturday, March 29, 2008

Living in this Society

the election is a bust. I'm an anarchist so I already expect there not to be a sympathetic candidate but I always hope that someone seems like the change we need as a country. I don't think Obama necessarily is. Honestly, insurance is a big issue to me since both of my parents are self insured and can barely afford it let alone include me on the policy and Hillary has the more radical plan- Obama is still thinking capitalistically. I won't even get started on McCain. I want revolution. I want people to realize that they aren't disenfranchised and have the power to really be heard. The electoral voting system has effectively stripped people of their efficacy and the representational system no longer operates on the idea of actually representing constituents but representing big business and party politics. It's all a sham.

Harrison starting hooking up with another girl. I see her all the time- she's a mutual friend. I don't have a lick of animosity towards her because it's not her fault that she didn't know (I honestly believe that she didn't) and I actually feel very sorry for her because she had no idea what Harrison's M.O. is- he wants to play the field, not emotionally but sexually. I told him that if he wanted to be with me again that he had to quit with said other girl and future other girls until we're over (which would be the end of the semester). The weird thing is that I've been having waves of completely other sentiments. At one point I thought that, it's over and let's just be friends. Then I got a little wine drunk last night and realized that I really do adore him and miss just lying in his arms. Then as the other girl was feeling sick from drinking too much (which interestingly coincided with returning from being alone with Harrison for about ten minutes. perhaps, he spoke with her as I advised?) I felt that maybe I could share him with her. I like her. She's nice. But, I'm an only child of divorce and while I like to share pretty much everything, I don't think I can share someone's attention/affection. Ultimately, I think it might be the best for him if he just didn't get involved with anyone at all, but I'm not really the one to tell him what to do nor can I force him to be with me. It's so strange how the world works.

Heather is thinking about taking next semester off. I think it's a good idea. She's become so disenchanted with school that it would only do her good, i think. Also, it would mean that if she did come back the next semester, I'd get to see her/live with her! It will be weird not living with Heather for the majority of a year. She's my best friend. I'm probably closer to her than anyone else. She's one of the only people I've become able to tell everything to. I'm a secretive person. I don't like to talk about my real problems. I have a lot of amazing friends that I know I could go to for anything, but I can just be open with Heather in a way I can't with other people. I don't know what I'll do when she's gone!

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