Real Drama Exists

I learned that my friend Sean tried to commit suicide. I couldn't believe it. He's fine now, has to go to rehab for an hour every weekday and really shouldn't be around any kind of drug use. God. I just can't believe he attempted suicide. I knew that he was pretty depressed, but I didn't think his drug use was as out of control as people say it was becoming. I just want him to be alright. A weird aspect for me was that he had asked me out to dinner when I got back from school. Part of me now wants to go to him and be like "Sean, let me take care of you. We'll be together and I'll help you get through this", but I know that's an unhealthy thing to do for my own well being. Sean and I have such a long back and forth history, at least Kelsey isn't involved this time.

Yesterday, when I was at Jon's (I cut all his hair off, hahah!) his grandpa came in and totally tricked Joe (Jon's mom, Andrea's new boyfriend) into saying that he was selling some pot. I left the basement immediately to avoid the impending fight. Jon needs to get a job and move out of his mom's house already. Jes is totally itching for it since she pretty much lives there too and is just biding her time until she graduates AIP at the end of September. All of my friends are at their last legs living at home. I can't blame them since those in school commute and with gas prices, it's becoming harder and harder for them to feasibly afford to keep doing so. Otherwise, they all have such CRAZY family that I would want to leave as soon as possible myself. Missy's mom is now just mean all the time to the whole family and now won't even let Missy use the car or eat meals with them anymore. Katie, her mother is a drunk who's barely home and her brother is a slob. Getting back to Andrea, she can't seem to rid her life of crackhead boyfriends. She's visiting one, helping him continue his coke deals from prison. Her ex, Tim still comes over to see Jacob (his son and Jon's half brother) but comes over drunk to beat up Andrea's new boyfriend. [let us remember when Andrea made Tim leave the first time, he drove his car into the house and was going to murder them all] Joe, this new guy is alright. He's cool, but he's not really any different from the long list of men she goes through that only make things worse.

On a lighter note, Jes and I shared a jug of lambrusco last night. MMMMMMMMMMMM I got drunk and it was so lovely. I was talking crazy to Bridget (Jake's dog) telling her to chase kitties and random ass shit. Man, I love when my friends just all get together and we let loose and chill out. It's just... where I want to be. We were playing cards, watching 28 Weeks Later, laughing, joking, smoking... I can't wait to see how the summer evolves.

I decided the other day that I'm not going to go to Seattle to visit the Vassar kids. I just realized that 1) I can't really afford it when I'll be traveling to Mexico a few weeks later. 2) why should I be making so much effort when the majority of the people I'd be seeing aren't making any effort for me or haven't ever really? 3) I want to see Bob Dylan and Deerhunter with my friends in Pittsburgh. I am bummed that I won't be getting to see the Northwest, especially a city like Seattle and that I won't get to see Heather or Rowan. I really am so glad that Rowan and I became friends. I really enjoy and appreciate our friendship. I know and feel that she is a good person that I want to remain friends with. Nevertheless, I am not going to Seattle.

Memorial Day Pic-o-nic is on Monday! Hooray! I love this shit.

I've been seriously going through things in my room and moving things all around. It's a necessary thing. I need to incorporate my shit from college and actually know where everything is in my room since I'll actually be living in it for the whole summer. I need change. I like to feel like I have the power to change my environment therefore change my mood and mindset. It's feeling better already.