Guy Is Officially Offline

so... guy is sitting in a costa rican airport talking to me on skype and waiting... patiently waiting to board his flight to cuba where he has no set living arrangements, no way of receiving money, and supposedly, finding food is not an easy task. Needless to say, I'm wracked with worry.

Now, he's getting offline to prepare for boarding. I am crying.

Why am I cursed to be lost in love? Usually, it's unreciprocated, but now, I am finally a part of a blissful couple... that isn't together locationally. He couldn't just be going back to England where the internet, postal service and telephones are easy access and generally reliable. No, he's going to spend a semester in Cuba, a place where I am legally prohibited to set foot. Can I call Cuba? Can I send a package or letter to Cuba? How can I maintain a relationship with someone in Cuba? I want to. I don't want to just give up, not with the one person that has given me hope for interpersonal relations.

Well, at least I don't have to babysit tonight. The roads are getting nasty.

Catching Up

Jason's life in a nutshell.


I seriously dig this photo. It's got such a psychedelic quality. You really get the energy of the party. Also, I just really enjoy Guy and Emily high-fiving with Justin's mug in the background.


dancing in the new year.


My mother thinks Emily is highly photogenic. I think so.


Silly Jacob in Emily's mustaches.

Guy left this morning. I was a total wreck at the airport, blubbering like a fool. The hardest part to our goodbye was the ominous sentiment that we may never see each other again. I understand that there will be some effort to keep in touch (as much as Cuba will allow us), but when will I see him again? When we are more settled in our lives years from now? Will we stay together? Will we be in new relationships? Will someone love me bigger than a space whale?

Año Nuevo

Me encantaba esta foto por Robert Capa. El estilo es divertido, exótico, y muy diferente de sus fotos de la segunda guerra mundial.

Guy está aquí pero no por mucho tiempo. Se irá el lunes. Soy feliz que he tenido tiempo con él, pero quiero más. No quiero que te vayas especialmente a Cuba donde no puedo visitar y donde es dificil a comunicarnos. Esa situación es extraña para mi por que él es increible, te amo mucho pero mi instinto de conservación retorcido está diciendome que necesito enfocarme en sus defectos y las cosas que me molestan. Todo es para que esté distante y indiferent cuando necesite estar sola, sin él y quizas si necesite terminar la relación. A pesar de mi actitud fatalista, quiero quedar con él y ver donde vayamos.

Tuvimos una fiesta en el sótano de mi abuelo para el Año Nuevo. Fue increiblamente naca en plata y oro. El nuevo novio de Linze, Rob, es fantástico y vino a la fiesta en una camiseta pintando de oro. Para "Amigo Secreto", Jes me dio "Earth Girls Are Easy" en DVD, una cubierta para llave de un nube, y un sombrero en arco iris. Todos nosotros nos divirtimos mucho.

Ayer, fuimos al museo de Carnegie para el International. Me gustó mucho y tomé fotos con mi cámara de Guy (es formato mediano). Ojala las fotos sean bastante interesante.

Estoy emociante para regresar a Vassar. Un semestre afuera fue importante para mi mente y me preparó para regresar con nueva energía y motivación. Será intereste a ver como cambien mis amigos y Vassar en general.

My Guy

GUY IS HERE GUY IS HERE GUY IS HERE

when we were going to pick him up, I thought I was going to puke my pita pit. mmm pita pit.

but he's here now and i can't believe how happy I am.

unos dibujos buenos en mi nuevo cuaderno.

Es Buen Practica, Ok?

mi gallo está viniendo mañana. wooo!

jes y yo fuimos de compras por todo el dia hoy. Visitamos como... 6 lugares incluyendo el almuerzo a Krency's donde comimos comida gratis gracias a Breck. le quiero breck. supuestamente, breck ha quierdo ser un parte de los SMF desde tenía 15 años. ya ya ya... devolví muchísimas cosas a Gap, Claire's y WalMart y Jes y yo tuvimos certificados de regalo a Old Navy y Target respectivamente.Jes compró botas y su cámara digital nueva. Breck nos acompañó a PaperMart para compar los adornos para la fiesta del año nuevo. todo es metálico. Compré un Moleskine como Jes y empecé a dibujar y escribir citas de la noche. Me gustan mis dibujos hasta el momento.

adam pasó tiempo con nosotros esta noche! hooray!

hicimos videos musicales. shit.

En Español

estaba disfrutando mi tiempo a casa con mi mama y mis amigos. es un poquito loco que estoy aqui en los estados unidos y no en mexico. le extraño guy mucho y no puedo esperar más a su regreso a mi lado. a pasar tiempo con él y mis amigos será increible. A ver sus interacciones y cual parecidos tengan. EEP! No tengo problema con la amiga de Guy, Alex, pero ella quiere más tiempo con él (que él les acompaña a NYC, algo así) que quitaría mi tiempo con mi novio. Sí, soy egoísta, pero no soy una ciudadana de inglaterra, por eso, no puedo visitarle en cuba (gracias embargo) y no vivo en el mismo país y mucho menos el mismo ciudad para verle cuandoquiera. Quiero tanto tiempo como que pueda tener. Así no importa. Él va a venir el domingo a las 6 en la noche.

Voy a empezar un programa de salud y mejor personal en general, se llama Maggie 4.0. Cada siete años, el cuerpo ha regenerado todo de las celulas. Es decir que está una persona completamente diferente fisicamente. Por lo tanto, quiero que mi cuarto cuerpo o epoca de mi vida sea la epoca de la salud mejor y los hábitos buenos. Necesito comprar un cuaderno para escribir listas, projectos etc y para dibujar que es bastante pequeño que puedo llevarle conmigo la mayoria del tiempo.

metas:
obra de arte cada semana
ejercicio diario
dieta saludable y regular
ética laboral (trabajo antes de la diversion)
practica mi español

ya ya es bueno

platiqué con noah hoy. me alegró mucho especialmente para oír como estaban los amigos y que pasó durante mi tiempo afuera.

What Do You See When You Turn Out The Light?

Dear lord in heaven, I haven't posted but once while I was in Mexico. Internet became a hot commodity. I was always thinking, "what do I have to do? what needs getting done?". The blog, sadly, was at the bottom of the list... especially because the computers at the EEE (escuela para estudiantes extranjeros) blocked this site and myspace. The EEE was kind of a joke. My classes were so easy that I think my brain stopped function and I felt like i was wasting my time. Everyone in my class was a foreigner who probably spoke good english so there wasn't a lot of interaction with real mexican students, especially since the EEE was pretty far from the actual UV campuses. I did learn in my history class though. I know my teacher, Mauricio, didn't think that he was doing a good job with a bunch of foreigners, but I really enjoyed what I learned and thought he was a cool guy. My spanish still sucks though.

life was good in mexico. xalapa is trying to be the little city that could. it's fairly safe, except those zetas (where were they anyway?), but it's like never ending tightly packed suburbia... there really is no true center unless you count that parque juarez is close to the cathedral and a plaza about the size of a basketball court. But it became mundane and in being so, was a sort of home. I had two houses- the one with my family in a neighborhood tucked by the satellite University of Veracruz campus for the humanities and guy's- a little apartment up an off ramp, across railroad tracks, up a flight of stairs and through a white metal gate. Guy slept in a little shack attached to the living room. Melen and Simon (the frenchies) slept in an actual bedroom that had hairy white mold on the wall and led to the shower. I cooked a lot at Guy's house. He had to convince me twice, but I did fall in love with him. I told jake that I finally feel like I'm in a reciprocal relationship and it's amazing. We both were looking for somone that was sane and would make us feel sane. He's my funny love. I don't know what I'm going to do when he's in Cuba and I won't be able to talk to him let alone see him for months and months... maybe years. Where it will go, nobody knows.

My house family was amazing. I feel like they could have been my real family/were my family. Lidia, my host mom, would dance and cook. We'd talk about politics, buddhism and family. My host sisters, Marce, 19, and Tani, 16, were great. I gave them english classes sometimes on pronunciation and told them about the history of ska. My host dad wasn't around a lot because he had to work. I don't know how great our relationship was because I would be gone a lot with Guy and I don't think he approved/I didn't always express myself correctly therefore I think he got some twisted ideas about my ideas, especially about politics and society. overall, I loved them to pieces and was so glad to be able to live with them and get to know them. I want to stay in contact and see them again.

I'm having trouble sometimes remembering easy english words that were natural to spit out in spanish. I was addressing people at the airport in spanish.

But dear god, it's good to be home.