Año Nuevo

Me encantaba esta foto por Robert Capa. El estilo es divertido, exótico, y muy diferente de sus fotos de la segunda guerra mundial.

Guy está aquí pero no por mucho tiempo. Se irá el lunes. Soy feliz que he tenido tiempo con él, pero quiero más. No quiero que te vayas especialmente a Cuba donde no puedo visitar y donde es dificil a comunicarnos. Esa situación es extraña para mi por que él es increible, te amo mucho pero mi instinto de conservación retorcido está diciendome que necesito enfocarme en sus defectos y las cosas que me molestan. Todo es para que esté distante y indiferent cuando necesite estar sola, sin él y quizas si necesite terminar la relación. A pesar de mi actitud fatalista, quiero quedar con él y ver donde vayamos.

Tuvimos una fiesta en el sótano de mi abuelo para el Año Nuevo. Fue increiblamente naca en plata y oro. El nuevo novio de Linze, Rob, es fantástico y vino a la fiesta en una camiseta pintando de oro. Para "Amigo Secreto", Jes me dio "Earth Girls Are Easy" en DVD, una cubierta para llave de un nube, y un sombrero en arco iris. Todos nosotros nos divirtimos mucho.

Ayer, fuimos al museo de Carnegie para el International. Me gustó mucho y tomé fotos con mi cámara de Guy (es formato mediano). Ojala las fotos sean bastante interesante.

Estoy emociante para regresar a Vassar. Un semestre afuera fue importante para mi mente y me preparó para regresar con nueva energía y motivación. Será intereste a ver como cambien mis amigos y Vassar en general.

My Guy

GUY IS HERE GUY IS HERE GUY IS HERE

when we were going to pick him up, I thought I was going to puke my pita pit. mmm pita pit.

but he's here now and i can't believe how happy I am.

unos dibujos buenos en mi nuevo cuaderno.

Es Buen Practica, Ok?

mi gallo está viniendo mañana. wooo!

jes y yo fuimos de compras por todo el dia hoy. Visitamos como... 6 lugares incluyendo el almuerzo a Krency's donde comimos comida gratis gracias a Breck. le quiero breck. supuestamente, breck ha quierdo ser un parte de los SMF desde tenía 15 años. ya ya ya... devolví muchísimas cosas a Gap, Claire's y WalMart y Jes y yo tuvimos certificados de regalo a Old Navy y Target respectivamente.Jes compró botas y su cámara digital nueva. Breck nos acompañó a PaperMart para compar los adornos para la fiesta del año nuevo. todo es metálico. Compré un Moleskine como Jes y empecé a dibujar y escribir citas de la noche. Me gustan mis dibujos hasta el momento.

adam pasó tiempo con nosotros esta noche! hooray!

hicimos videos musicales. shit.

En Español

estaba disfrutando mi tiempo a casa con mi mama y mis amigos. es un poquito loco que estoy aqui en los estados unidos y no en mexico. le extraño guy mucho y no puedo esperar más a su regreso a mi lado. a pasar tiempo con él y mis amigos será increible. A ver sus interacciones y cual parecidos tengan. EEP! No tengo problema con la amiga de Guy, Alex, pero ella quiere más tiempo con él (que él les acompaña a NYC, algo así) que quitaría mi tiempo con mi novio. Sí, soy egoísta, pero no soy una ciudadana de inglaterra, por eso, no puedo visitarle en cuba (gracias embargo) y no vivo en el mismo país y mucho menos el mismo ciudad para verle cuandoquiera. Quiero tanto tiempo como que pueda tener. Así no importa. Él va a venir el domingo a las 6 en la noche.

Voy a empezar un programa de salud y mejor personal en general, se llama Maggie 4.0. Cada siete años, el cuerpo ha regenerado todo de las celulas. Es decir que está una persona completamente diferente fisicamente. Por lo tanto, quiero que mi cuarto cuerpo o epoca de mi vida sea la epoca de la salud mejor y los hábitos buenos. Necesito comprar un cuaderno para escribir listas, projectos etc y para dibujar que es bastante pequeño que puedo llevarle conmigo la mayoria del tiempo.

metas:
obra de arte cada semana
ejercicio diario
dieta saludable y regular
ética laboral (trabajo antes de la diversion)
practica mi español

ya ya es bueno

platiqué con noah hoy. me alegró mucho especialmente para oír como estaban los amigos y que pasó durante mi tiempo afuera.

What Do You See When You Turn Out The Light?

Dear lord in heaven, I haven't posted but once while I was in Mexico. Internet became a hot commodity. I was always thinking, "what do I have to do? what needs getting done?". The blog, sadly, was at the bottom of the list... especially because the computers at the EEE (escuela para estudiantes extranjeros) blocked this site and myspace. The EEE was kind of a joke. My classes were so easy that I think my brain stopped function and I felt like i was wasting my time. Everyone in my class was a foreigner who probably spoke good english so there wasn't a lot of interaction with real mexican students, especially since the EEE was pretty far from the actual UV campuses. I did learn in my history class though. I know my teacher, Mauricio, didn't think that he was doing a good job with a bunch of foreigners, but I really enjoyed what I learned and thought he was a cool guy. My spanish still sucks though.

life was good in mexico. xalapa is trying to be the little city that could. it's fairly safe, except those zetas (where were they anyway?), but it's like never ending tightly packed suburbia... there really is no true center unless you count that parque juarez is close to the cathedral and a plaza about the size of a basketball court. But it became mundane and in being so, was a sort of home. I had two houses- the one with my family in a neighborhood tucked by the satellite University of Veracruz campus for the humanities and guy's- a little apartment up an off ramp, across railroad tracks, up a flight of stairs and through a white metal gate. Guy slept in a little shack attached to the living room. Melen and Simon (the frenchies) slept in an actual bedroom that had hairy white mold on the wall and led to the shower. I cooked a lot at Guy's house. He had to convince me twice, but I did fall in love with him. I told jake that I finally feel like I'm in a reciprocal relationship and it's amazing. We both were looking for somone that was sane and would make us feel sane. He's my funny love. I don't know what I'm going to do when he's in Cuba and I won't be able to talk to him let alone see him for months and months... maybe years. Where it will go, nobody knows.

My house family was amazing. I feel like they could have been my real family/were my family. Lidia, my host mom, would dance and cook. We'd talk about politics, buddhism and family. My host sisters, Marce, 19, and Tani, 16, were great. I gave them english classes sometimes on pronunciation and told them about the history of ska. My host dad wasn't around a lot because he had to work. I don't know how great our relationship was because I would be gone a lot with Guy and I don't think he approved/I didn't always express myself correctly therefore I think he got some twisted ideas about my ideas, especially about politics and society. overall, I loved them to pieces and was so glad to be able to live with them and get to know them. I want to stay in contact and see them again.

I'm having trouble sometimes remembering easy english words that were natural to spit out in spanish. I was addressing people at the airport in spanish.

But dear god, it's good to be home.

Asomecha

So, I haven't posted since I left for Mexico... shit. So much has happened. The stupid computers here at the EEE/UV sometimes won't let me onto blogger so I haven't even tried lately until today.

Where to start?

When I hang out here in Xalapa, a lot of the times, I'm the only American. It's usually Canadians, French, and an Englishman named Guy. My best friend from my ISA group works for the government and all I eat is cheese and tortillas.

I was hooking up with a Frenchman until he told me he had a girlfriend. Get this-

we are lying in bed in the morning. He is super affectionate and doting. Then he asks me if I have a boyfriend in the States. Um, no... Then I realize, shit. I know where this is going. Long story short, he is in love with his girl in France but can't go a year without "love". He did write me an apology on facebook and we attempted to hang out one night but ever since I haven't heard hide nor hair from the kid.

Instead... Guy has a huge crush on me and I've just been letting it happen. He's super amazing but there is no real physical attraction on my side. It sucks especially because we are such great friends and he likes me so much. I feel like I'm fooling myself and him.

I got my nose pierced again and am planning on a new tatt. yeehaw!

I often feel very stupid. I can't express myself in spanish very well and I have to remind myself that I am an intelligent woman who can be very eloquent with her words. (not that I necessarily transmit that in this blog) I wish my spanish was better... I know that I need to spend more time in Mexico away from so many english speakers, but it's hard and I have so much to do when I get home. I miss my friends and eating vegetables.

I definitely haven't been smoking that much... instead I am a wine-o. Tomorrow, as usual, I will go with Ellen to Postodoro to eat pizza and drink wine. Also, we'll take in the view- Uriel, the cutest damn thing you've ever seen- our favorite waiter.

Harrison emailed me the other day and said that he has a "heavy and auspicious relic" for me. Ugh... what is this? I really haven't stopped thinking about him. I'll forget for awhile but then something like this happens and POOF! I'm making up scenarios again. I guess just like Scott Sierzega, the ones that really crush my soul are the ones I can't let go. I have been thinking about Mac as well. He's definitely a person I could see myself with, but I'm not going to dwell on the fact. Who knows what will happen.

My dad is still in the nursing home. He had to have a bypass in his leg. I just want him to get out of the hospital so he can actually recuperate.

Goodbye Manifesto

I'm leaving for mexico in less than 7 hours. holy fucking shit.

My throat is clenched shut but still moist despite the sore throat I feel coming on... I've been slowly seeing the signs of a cold brewing for awhile now and I think it's finally settling in. Sneezing and hacking up globs of clear gooey snot that was trying to coat my throat. I'm sure that my immunity is down because of my stress. When I did theatre, I was never nervous until I got backstage and the lights went out. Anxiety would grip me as I waited in the wings for my cue, but when I stepped on stage, there was never any fear about how I would perform or the successes or failures we would make... I was confident and went with the flow. It's happening again now. I'm biding my time until I pass through security and I'm on my way... biding my time with a heavy chest and aching mind.

My mom keeps telling me to come to bed... I know that I won't sleep. There are still things left to do that I've been putting off. I never wrote those thank you cards. I never printed out the pictures that I want to hang on my wall in my new Mexican room. My computer is obviously not packed away in my book bag. Maybe I should try for just a few hours of sleep. Run around in the morning getting those knit picky things done. I can always send thank yous from Mexico. Hell, they might feel more gratitude if I took the time to mail it from a foreign country. Can sentiment and gratitude be augmented by distance? Reminds me of frequent flyer miles for some reason except with emotion.

What scares me the most about this particular adventure of mine, is that I have no safety net. I've gone away before, but always with someone I knew well. Maria is starting university in Nurnberg. Heather is somewhere... god knows. Will I find someone to be friends with? Someone that I want as my friend and not just because I am friendly? It's the same feeling I have with family. It was so wonderful to meet Sarah because I feel like she is a family member that if I met "in the wild", I would befriend. Will the people in my group become my friends only because they are in my group? I hope not!

I always feel stupid and pretentious when I think of my next statement... but I imagine that it's essentially true for all people--
I'm an offbeat person with a lot of interests that your average joe is not so hip on. Between my music and political leanings- I usually lose people. I find people that align with me, but I acknowledge that we are definitely a minority in this country. But I guess, what is a typical American like? This all comes back to my family reference above. Sarah, my mom, my cousin Lisa and I are definitely the oddballs of the family. The artsy ones- free spirited and whatever you want to call it. I've always felt like an anomaly in my family. Well... whatever.

Mallku messaged me. He's in California. I wonder if school in Lima didn't pan out. I hope that he hooks up with Heather and then they both come out to the east coast in December to visit. I owe it to Mallku to show him a great time. He was a big reason why Peru was so wonderful. Without him... things would have been terribly bland.

I also talked to Dominique tonight. Her story is an interesting one but she always plays a victim to circumstance. I feel like I need to be careful.

Obama/Biden '08